A Letter to Fanfiction Authors II: The Aftermath
by SisterG
Summary: This time, in his need for more drastic measures, Severus Snape makes a personal visit to The Fanfiction Author.


Disclaimer: He is still not mine and I keep doing this for free.

A/N: This is a sequel to my other story _A Letter to Fanfiction Authors_. (Not necessary to read it first, but it is short. Hint, hint.) I have made fun of others, so it was time to make fun of myself. All the storylines described in this fic I have once contemplated in my head, one time or another, and abandoned thanks to the advice of an inner critic. Or, should I say Inner Snape.

I own bright pink Velcro rollers and a shabby bathrobe, the rest is fiction.

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**A Letter to Fanfiction Authors II – The Aftermath**

The Fanfiction author buttered her toast hastily. She wanted to get back to her computer to do the final proofreading of the chapter: she would submit the first part of her new story tonight. The review slut in her was hungry.

Humming happily she poured water on the teabag when a loud harrump of a cleared throat made her jump. She swallowed nervously when she turned around. On the doorway of her small kitchenette stood very dismayed looking Severus Snape. 'Very dismayed' might have been a bit of an understatement.

"Oh! Severus." The Author pulled her tatty bathrobe closed more tightly and took a hold of her tea mug. In case of an emergency she could use the contents as a weapon.

"Yes. Weren't you expecting me?"

"Well…"

"I thought that might be the case. Didn't I make my mind clear enough for you?"

"Erm…" In front of that stare The Author didn't even think of the words "Punish me, Professor" and the shocking pink Velcro rollers in her hair were the least of her worries.

"The cat took your tongue? I thought you fancied yourself good with words? It seems I was mistaken. Pity."

"I…"

"Sit down and be quiet."

The tone did not leave The Author a choice and she sank heavily on the three-legged stool that had conveniently appeared behind her.

"Good. Now. What the devil possessed you to choose that storyline? Dumbledore's granddaughter?"

His eyes narrowed dangerously when he looked down at her.

"That wasn't very original. And of all the things, you made me act like a fool when seeking for her attention. And the competition between Lupin and me was utterly ridiculous. He is sickeningly smitten with Miss Tonks, and I believe she would not look approvingly at 'Miss Hillwood' and her fumbling advances towards her pet Werewolf. Even though they are quite obviously targeted to make me jealous."

The Author got some of her courage back to stand up for her story.

"But it is not finished yet. How do you know it is not Remus she really wants?"

Snape's lips curled into a mocking sneer. "Really, you are rather transparent, dear. Haven't you been planning to put SSxOC into the summary?"

The Author went crimson with embarrassment. Was she really so obvious?

"The New Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher with a Past is quite overused storyline. Everyone would guess after the first paragraphs that she is Dark Lord's daughter. How that might have happened I don't even want to know."

"But the idea is rather good: Vold… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named seduced her mother to get back at Dumbledore and…"

"Yes, yes, in theory it might sound good, but it is very hard to make the story work without making your character seem like a Mary Sue." Snape spat out the last two words.

"Talking of which…" He continued while giving a very measuring look at The Author. "Let me guess: she has long and silky fair hair and a resemblance of a fairy. I would say rather optimistic from you."

"Now you listen to me…" Angrily, The Author got half up from her seat, but he paid no heed to her.

"What kind of non-human blood does she have in her veins?"

"She is not a Veela!"

"What then?"

The Author muttered something inaudible.

"Pardon me, I quite didn't catch that." Professor Snape raised his eyebrow at her.

"Her mother was a half-elf, alright?"

"Hmph. Well, at least she isn't a Vampire."

"No. You are."

The Author felt sadistic pleasure when she waited Snape to catch his breath after the nasty fit of cough.

"No. Absolutely not." He told her sternly. "It is officially denied and I prefer you stayed in canon when it comes to the most fundamental aspects. Besides, it wouldn't work."

"Fine." The Author sounded petulant.

"Don't pout, it doesn't suit you. Now. Let's talk about sexual tension."

"What about it?"

"There isn't any. If you put them into the same bed in the first chapter, the readers of romance won't have anything to look forward to. Really, I thought you had moved past the stories with smut only for the sake of the smut. As fun as PWP is every now and then, I prefer the intimate situations to serve the plot. And be convincing."

The Fanfiction Author couldn't look Snape in the eyes in her mortification. But he felt no mercy.

"When mentioning the plot... I admit, there are some good ideas, but you must work on them. Professor Hillwood taking the poisoned cockroach cluster the youngest Mr Weasley offered her was not such a terrible idea, all in all. But it was quite obvious the event was meant only to happen so that she would end up into my Dungeon. Wasn't it rather convenient that Madame Pomfrey was away that night? You need a proper plot."

"And I suppose you have ideas?" The Author made a weak attempt to imitate his tone when raising her own eyebrows at him.

"As a matter of fact I do. Make a fresh pot of tea. Proper tea and not the swill you make yourself. No sugar or milk for me. Then get rid of the drivel you have written so far."

Professor Snape removed his cloak and flexed his arms.

"You better make the tea strong. I suspect this will take all night."

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A/N: A lot of credit goes also for Shadowycat and her story 'In the Shower'. Read her stories, she can be both hilarious and serious and writes Snape beautifully! 


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